Monday, April 18, 2011

Childless Christian Women - Square Pegs in a Round World

I just can't get the baby thing off my mind. This is driving me a little bit bonkers. Where do childless women fit into the church? Why do I feel like an alien?

I got a call from a woman I've never met from my church. Somebody told her I was childless and needed to be mentored because I was so lost because of it. It was well-meaning. I ended up making a new friend, but it definitely didn't play out the way the other church ladies intended. My new friend didn't have children by choice. I don't have kids...well, not by choice. BUT I'm OK with it. I'm at peace with it. We ended up laughing over how judgmental people can be - assuming, of course, that if you don't have kids, you must be terribly selfish and have nothing but spare time in which to do completely unimportant things. We agreed that women's ministries, in general, do cater to moms and don't really know what to do with people like me.

We both wondered aloud if some homeschooling moms don't feel a little bit spiritually superior to those who send their kids to school. Now don't misread me - I'm not saying all homeschool moms have a superiority complex. Just saying... some seem to act like we should pity how busy they are when, in all actuality, this is a choice they made. There is no biblical mandate to homeschool your children.Go ahead, homeschool. Most homeschooled kids are geniuses. But don't play it up like somehow you are a notch above moms who, for example, can't afford not to work and HAVE to send their kids to school.

My point is... I just want to be a godly woman, but lately I've really been feeling like so much of a woman's spirituality is viewed through whether or not they have kids. Hey, listen, I wanted to be fruitful and multiply. God didn't have the same plan in mind, at least not yet. And I'm comfortable with my life. Is this actually being held against me, or do I just have my own inferiority  complex. Look at the internet. You can find lots of websites devoted to Christian moms. Not many for childless Christian women.

I know my value to God does not change, but what about within the Church?

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2 comments:

J-Texas said...

Yes, you're making sense. I'm in the same boat as you...well, sort of. My husband has two grown children (with children of their own) from a previous marriage. We have been together for 23 years. I am childless however. Being around the grandchildren is difficult at times for me and other times is lots of fun. However, I can't but to long for children of my own too. Our relationship with his kids is not really close, but tolerable. We don't get to see the grandchildren too often. I'm reaching the age where I feel I'd be too old to raise children of my own. It's a sad time, but I lean on God...He's my rock. Like you said, God has other plans for us. Prayer has definitely helped me. Blessings to you and your husband.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted you to know that reading this has blessed me by making me feel a little less alone. I am unable to have children due to physical problems and have recently been feeling more out of place at church than ever. It seems that the only things I'm needed for is childcare; and the assumption that I am more than willing because I can't have my own is pretty hurtful, actually. God has given me a degree of peace with this at different times, but my church is large and filled with some very fertile women. They are close and have numerous opportunities to make friends and receive support, while I have to muddle through on my own. So, thanks for writing this.

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