Check Before You Fawn

Bobby Ross over at GetReligion has some interesting comments on this story about one of my favorite subjects - Christians trying to find their designated 'spot' among their fellow churchgoers.

As a married-but-childless woman in her 30's, I tend to gravitate towards the older crowd and single people. The reasons, I think, are obvious - they don't have to find a babysitter in order to make plans, and I don't have to listen to pregnancy/childbirth/parenting stories that I'm not only unable to relate to, but remind me time and time again that my dream of motherhood has not come to pass.

The Rev. Kevin Cosby, pastor of St. Stephen Church, said his congregation is trying to create a culture in which “you’re not abnormal if you’re single.”

“One is a whole number,” he said. “You’re not a fraction.”

Hopefully Rev. Cosby is also working on normalizing childlessness in the church because infertiles like myself are awfully tired of being told to work in the nursery. We appreciate sympathy, but get annoyed when moms assume we have all the free time in the world to play with. In fact, all pastors everywhere should preach a sermon aimed at teaching their congregations that:

-Not all childless women are childless on purpose.

-Some women don't want kids at all - and you can feel however you want about that and back it up with Scripture, but the point is, you should never assume anything.

-When a woman says she can't have children, sympathy is great. Immediately acting like the world has ended isn't a good approach. You mean well, but you might be grinding salt into an open wound.

-Don't suggest to an infertile woman that she should volunteer in the nursery. See above.

-Childless women don't have all the spare time in the world. Well, maybe some. But most of us have learned to fill in the time.

-Many infertile women have accepted that it is God's will for their lives and are OK WITH IT. Check before you fawn.

-Hey, since churches have singles groups, why not have a group for people without kids? Just a group - not a SUPPORT group, or a SYMPATHY group, or a GRIEF group... just a regular group.

Next up... how about we make people with mental illness feel like a part of the church body while we're at it? Stay tuned.

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Distracted?

"I'm on my way; I'll be there soon. Keep a tight grip on what you have so no one distracts you and steals your crown." -Rev. 4:11 (Msg)

 I opened the Bible on my cell phone today and did a random search. I'm a pentecostal and we're notorious for that - opening the Word of God to a random page and pointing a finger believing that God is going to give us spiritual nutrition for the day. OK, it wasn't really like that. I just didn't know what to look up so I decided to wing it. Anyway, this is what came up. Can I get a fist bump up in here? This verse was meant for me!

I'm distracted all the time. I love technology, can't get enough of it. Hubby tells me to put my phone down in restaurants. And the day I found Facebook was my last uninterrupted day of work, perhaps ever. That's not the kind of distraction, however, that poses the biggest danger to my walk with God. Lately, I've been distracted by myself. Distracted with a new writing project and where I hope it will go. Distracted with all sorts of groups and church classes designed to make me a better person. The good news is, the classes, groups, and lessons are working. The bad news is, it's just too easy to start focusing on how I'M doing, or how I'VE changed, and forget that any progress isn't about how hard I've worked or how dedicated I am, but about how the Lord has worked in me and how He has blessed me for my obedience.

The kind of distraction that God talks about isn't just Facebook and Twitter, it's all of life. Look around you. Look in. Have a messy past that you don't think you can overcome? That's a good sign that you're distracted with where you've been. Have a long, difficult road ahead of you and considering a detour? You're probably distracted by where you're headed (my own current distraction). You know that saying, "No matter where you go, there you are"? The Holiest of Holies is kinda like that. God is in your past, He's here with you today, and there isn't one thing about your future that Abba Father doesn't know.

I have the attention span of a flea with ADHD. Distracted much? Oh yeah. But Jesus is coming soon - He's on His way. I want to give the days I have here to Him - I've already thrown too many away. I'd rather be so distracted with God that when I look at a dirty and broken world, all I see at first glance is the good in other people and the places I can share His love.

Can you imagine being that 'lost' in Christ? How awesome would that be? You can't just wish it into existence. You have to be deliberate about it and be conscious of where you're focusing your attention. That's really hard for me, I don't know about you.

I know none of us is perfect, but how do you keep yourself 'in check' and your eyes on God?

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Politically Speaking

It's not even 8 am and I am awake and blogging. I'm not what you'd call wide awake... I'm actually writing to fight the urge to go back to bed. I start every day by checking up on the national news. It has been a habit of mine ever since 9/11. As sick as it sounds, I am checking to see if anything was blown up while I was sleeping. Since the 9th anniversary is right around the corner, I a bit more paranoid than usual. Inevitably, there will be protests this year, while New York City tries to figure out what to do about a mosque wanting to pitch their tent just blocks from Ground Zero.

This is a perfect example of why I don't (normally) like to write about politics anymore. I can't figure out what to think, and it seems to me like I should take a side. I can see every angle, and that makes it hard to put my foot down in one direction or another. I can understand why people would be outraged. No matter how we try to kid ourselves, when most Americans hear the word "Islam" they picture six-year-old boys with machine guns, and terrorists with bandanas over their faces, giving their final will and testament on a grainy video tape before blowing up a nightclub. People don't want a reminder of "the religion that caused September 11."

I can understand the fear. It may begin as a place of peace, but a mosque at the site of 9/11... a holy place of mourning for Americans, and a holy place of victory for Islamic extremists... might very well DRAW Islamic Extremists. I get that.

But this is where it all comes back to what you really believe about people. Have you ever met a Muslim who was just your average citizen, not particularly interested in Fatwas and Jihad? I have. I dated a guy in high school whose whole family was Muslim and I promise you, they are not terrorists. Are we going to trust the average Muslim-American to alert us to any extremist activities going on at the mosque? Or do we believe they're all in this together and they want all of us dead?

If a band of crazy Christians committed a terrorist act on American soil, would we throw a fit if somebody wanted to build a church on the site? Or would we stand firm and put our foot down and say that MOST Christians are not terrorists? How are we so different? Do you think there are no Christians slaughtering each other on this planet? How about Christians killing Muslims? Think it doesn't happen? Oh, but it does. Christians are slaughtering Muslims in Nigeria even as we speak.

Do most Christians want peace, or are they thirsty for blood? The question is the same for Muslims. Back when I was a horrible high school student, I had a very kind but eccentric teacher who once side-referenced me this way: "Don't let one bad spoke break the whole wheel." I never thought Mr. G.'s analogy would apply to Islam in my 30s.

If you remove religion from the mix - something many Americans find hard to do - it's a cut-and-dry issue. America is the land of the free. We founded this country on religious tolerance and freedom. While I do believe this nation was founded on Judeo-Christian ethics, I also believe our forefathers intended this country to be a place where anyone could come and have a nice life. A nice, ordinary, Joe Average life... or more, if they worked hard enough. Take the religion out of the mix, and you have a mosque that deserves to be at Ground Zero just as much as any other religious center. Would we protest a synagogue? A Baptist church?

So, you see, I don't know what to think. This mosque shouldn't be forced upon the people of Manhattan, but how can you turn them away? And if God gives us all free will, who are we to push someone aside and declare them not good enough to share our space?

Yes, sometimes what I WANT to believe, and what I actually DO believe clash violently. Politically speaking, I exist in the middle place. Pin It

The Right Approach To Depression

Happy almost 2010, readers. We're not exactly partying here - there's freezing rain outside and I have to work in the morning. We're watching movies with friends. What better time to blog?!?

Kudos to one of my favorite authors (and a Facebook friend, but of course), Dena Dyer for addressing her own depression on her blog - and for encouraging people to GET HELP.
I'm a little late stumbling across this post, but it's relevant any time of year! Pin It

When Ignorance Births Scandal

Before I launch into this post, let me say this: as long as Christians continue to be human, there will always be scandals. Some scandals are, indeed, scandalous. TV evangelists will have affairs, commit fraud, steal money, hire prostitutes. Sometimes, however, scandals erupt not because of outwardly evil deeds, but out of an abundance of ignorance.

Let's tackle the second kind of scandal - the kind born of ignorance.
Now, this particular topic is not new, though I am just learning of it this week. It is a topic of great importance to me because I deal with mental illness on a daily basis. The Mercy Ministries Australia home for girls in Sydney is shutting down reportedly due to lack of funds and decreasing public support. However, it has also come to light that some of the tactics used to "treat" girls in the program - girls with eating disorders, sexual abuse issues, and severe mental illness - were quite cruel.

I am unabashedly a pentecostal believer. If you're a Catholic or a Presbyterian, coming to my church would probably land you in the ER with heart palpitations. No, we don't wrestle snakes and people don't knock each other in Jesus' name every Sunday morning, but we get our worship on with a rock praise & worship band, dancing, shouting, words of prophecy, sometimes speaking in tongues. It took the Mormon child in me a while to get used to it, but now I'm on board. So I fully believe in demonic oppression and spiritual warfare. When you're overloaded with blessings, you come to realize it can't be a coincidence. Likewise, when you're struck over the head with bad news over and over again like a 2x4, you also start to realize... hmm, this isn't a coincidence, either. If you believe in good, you have to believe in evil, and vice versa.

The problem is that a lot of Christians (not just the pentecostals) believe that any kind of mental and/or emotional issue is strictly a work of the enemy, nothing more than a spiritual flaw. I will not argue that there IS a demonic element to some of these issues. Take, for example, a woman who was sexually abused as a child who is struggling through life, just trying to survive. Her heart is enrobed in emotional turmoil - relationship problems, low self-esteem, body issues, sexual dysfunction, etc. Maybe she's anorexic or bulimic, or she cuts herself or has attempted suicide.

No one could ever convince me that these are not, in some way, spiritual issues. God created us to have mutually fulfilling relationships; to have confidence in ourselves based on the knowledge that we are created in His image and that if HE is for us, no one can be against us; to love our bodies for the same reason, and to enjoy a rich sexual life within the biblical mandate of marriage. In other words, WE WERE CREATED TO HAVE ABUNDANT LIFE. I know from personal experience that sexual abuse teaches you to believe just about every lie the devil could ever come up with. You believe it was your fault, that there is something deeply wrong with you, that you are not entitled to anything good... the list goes on and on. Abuse teaches you to believe THE EXACT OPPOSITE of what the TRUTH is.

These are lessons that survivors must un-learn in order to live the abundant life God intended for them. They must re-learn who they are, and study who God meant them to be. And, yes, I have seen extreme tactics such as casting out demons work on people. I am not opposed to the idea.

The problem is, we are wrong in assuming that there is no physical element involved. Staying on the topic of child abuse (since it is an excellent example), studies have shown that abuse can directly impact the PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT OF THE HUMAN BRAIN. When I worked with teenagers and their babies at a group home some years ago, I went through training to learn about the impact a troubled upbringing or neglect can have on developing brains. It can literally define how the frontal lobe develops.

WE are the ones in need of spiritual intervention when we neglect the physical health and well-being of others, denying them proper medical and psychological treatment, and instead focus on patients as a spiritual 'project.' As a Bipolar Disorder sufferer, I have had my share of well-meaning Christians say to me, in the mist of a depressive cycle, "Are you reading your Bible? Are you praying? Do you have some unresolved sin in your life?" All of these are valid questions that SHOULD be asked. However, often, when I mention medication or counseling, it becomes very evident that the person I'm talking to barely believes those issues are involved at all. As if a brain's chemical composition couldn't possibly be out-of-whack, or a chunk of my thinker couldn't possibly be damaged or malfunctioning. As if everyone with a mental illness isn't really ill, they're just great big, lazy sinners. As if, deep down, our only "problem" is that we don't pray hard enough, seek God enough, or believe fully. Which is entertaining if you think about it, considering NO ONE does any of those things "enough." It's like saying that someone with diabetes is actually being attacked by Satan for only spending 15 minutes in worship last night, or someone with breast cancer has a tumor because they missed church too often last year.

Sometimes, our physical ailments ARE the result of spiritual lack. Does it happen? Of course. The Bible is full of examples of it. Other times... more often than most of us believers want to admit... it is not a punishment for being spiritually inept. Sometimes - for reasons I will never, ever comprehend - God ALLOWS us to suffer because He will somehow be glorified through it, and/or because He wants us to grow as people because of the experience. That's right, chew on that for a bit - sometimes, God allows us to get sick. Look at the example of Job. He was a devoted servant of God who never gave up his faith, and yet God took everything from him. It had nothing to do with him being "bad" and deserving it. And more often than not, God gives us either a remedy or a way to make it easier to endure.

And when God gives us His wisdom and healing power in the form of a wise counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or medication, we need to take stock of OURSELVES if we turn it away.

1 Corinthians 15:34 says it all:

Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God—I say this to your shame.

We are both body and soul, as God created us to be.
We are unwise and in need of spiritual inventory when we refuse to acknowledge and treat the entire package. Pin It