What Do We Trust God FOR?

Have you ever read any of Donald Miller's books? You should. You absolutely should. I was introduced to his work a few years ago in a small group I was attending. We read Searching for God Knows What and dissected it over the court of several weeks. I read a few of his other books after that, but Searching remains my favorite. (Yes, even over Blue Like Jazz.) I've actually started re-reading Searching and I am reminded once again of why I love Miller's work so much - he offers views and thoughts, not answers.

His blog post today, Grappling with Control and the Fear of Dying, hit a nerve with me. I've been thinking a lot about death lately. It's hard not to with the tsunami and nuclear crisis in Japan. But I think it has been on my mind more because of a recent fire near Harrisburg in which seven children died. If I'm honest with myself, I'm struggling with it, not just thinking about it. It has been a while since I really struggled with something like that. The last time I did was when my cousin was dying of ALS.

The question that has plagued me lately is, "What do I trust God for?" I know I'm supposed to trust God, but what am I supposed to be trusting Him FOR? You can trust God with your career, but that doesn't mean it will take off. You can trust God to protect you on a long drive, but that doesn't mean you won't get hit by a truck. I don't mean to be so morbid, but this is how I think. We have zero control, but we try to, and the harder we hang on, the more of a shock it seems to be when we realized we've been hanging onto thin air.

I understand that one of the things we do have to trust is that God is good, that even if our world comes crashing down in the next five minutes, God is the same. He never stops being good. We have to trust that God's peace can overshadow the harshest circumstances.

I guess, when it all comes down to it, we have to trust that our spirit and our eternal destination is far greater concern to God than what these bodies of ours go through. That doesn't mean God doesn't care; God cares about our ins and outs. It's so hard for me to see beyond this earth, my flesh, and my plans. It's so hard for me to grasp that the deepest pain I could ever feel in this life will barely register in a Heaven where there is no more sorrow.

So maybe that's what I'm supposed to trust God for - hope and eternity. But it seems like there should be more to it than that. "What do I trust God for?" could just as easily be translated into, "What do I pray for?" It seems so odd to me to pray for something - traveling mercies, a sick person's healing, financial help - while knowing that if it's not on God's agenda, it's not going to happen. But we're supposed to trust God...

The Bible says that God answers prayer, but when He doesn't, we like to say that He DID answer, just not in a way we wanted Him too. That seems ridiculous to me. If you ask God to help Bob get to his squash tournament safely, and he crashes and winds up in the hospital in a coma, how is that God answering prayer, just in a different way? Personally, I think that God sometimes doesn't answer prayer, and we don't know how to explain it, so we say that He did when He so obviously didn't. Have you ever prayed for the healing of a terminally ill person over the course of years, only to watch that person die? I have. I'm not angry at God for that (anymore), but I don't buy that God answered my prayer, but in a funky way none of us can understand. He just didn't answer it, because this was the path my cousin's life had to take. Which just shows you right there that we have no control, because my cousin and his family had a totally different plan mapped out than the one God allowed them to take.

And that's fine. Like I said, my days of anger and 'wandering through the desert" have ended. I saw God work in my cousin's life and in the lives of his family. I know he wasn't alone, and I know I will see him again. But He didn't answer our prayers for healing.

Not that we deserve it. You can't earn your prayers, nor is God a vending machine. You don't put your prayer in the slot and out pops the prize. I'm not saying that's how I view God, either. I'm just confused. Do we just trust Him to be there for us? I know God desires us to pray because He wants an open dialogue with us. He wants intimate conversation.

I'm just a little lost on this issue. When I think I have a grasp on it, I lose it again. Donald Miller's blog just got me thinking about it in earnest today. I was glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks these thoughts. I'd like to be able to believe and not question, kind of like my husband. He doesn't doubt, really. He believes in a very child-like way and I admire that about him. Sometimes I drive him a little crazy with my own questions and doubts because he doesn't understand how I could have them in the first place. I suppose I am just wired differently. Logic takes over where I wish faith would kick in.

I don't know which would be easier - understanding these questions, or just not needing to know. Pin It