Baby Steps

I don't know how you define 'victory' when it comes to faith. I always thought victory meant getting over something - like, one day you wake up and realize you're not addicted to alcohol anymore, or you suddenly have super strong faith where you once were barely hanging on. I guess maybe I'm changing my mind about all that.

Over the past month or so, I've been dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety for different reasons. More than usual, actually. Seeing as how I have depression and bipolar disorder, it's not like I don't deal with it normally. There were extra pressures this year, though, and my usual struggle was unusually difficult, even for me.

(I know this sounds like a total fail, but hang in there.)

I've been praying and reading the Bible like crazy because of it. Instead of boxed, trite prayers (or none at all) I've been actually TALKING to God. Leaning on Him. Going to Him when I'm afraid, instead of going to one of the ten million other things I used to go to.

That's a victory, right?

And it's WORKING. That has to be a victory.

When I feel afraid (sad/exhausted/hopeless) I pray. IT WORKS.

If it wasn't so late, I'd say a lot more, but it's the middle of the night. It was just one of those things, though - I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. :-)

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It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like LADY GAGA!!!!!

"Well, nobody ELSE comes to Hershey Park looking like that!"

OK, so I go to Hershey Park Christmas Candylane to look at Christmas lights and eat free chocolate (thanks Chocolate World) and not only do I get all that... I also see Lady Gaga. Buying chocolate. Lady Gaga buying chocolate. Dinner AND a show!

I'm telling you this not because I love Lady Gaga. I actually don't know more than one of her songs. I'm just not into it. I'm also not telling you this because I'm star-struck. I don't really care. It's just an interesting topic because not so long ago I said, "I wouldn't know Lady Gaga if I ran right into her." Time to tell the back story.

Lady Gaga's boyfriend - Taylor Kinney - is from Lancaster. I didn't know that until all these reports started surfacing that the two were spotted around town. The local news reported on the two of them skeet shooting together over Thanksgiving. (We really need hobbies around here.) And *I* said, "I wouldn't know Lady Gaga if I ran right into her."

And then, tonight, I ran into her - physically. So did my husband. He almost took her out! She was buying chocolate with Taylor Kinney and 2 little boys. No clue who the boys are, but that's irrelevant. My husband and I, along with the other couple we were with, just couldn't be convinced that we saw Lady Gaga, even though 3 of the 4 of us saw her and each arrived at the same conclusion. We even stopped in the freezing cold to Google pictures of her on our phones to make sure we weren't losing it. Sure enough, it was her.

I wish I had more to tell you about this experience. I saw Lady Gaga and almost trampled her. There you go. But I WILL say this: if she wants to blend in with the crowd, she has to try harder. Bleach blond almost white hair, the big mole thing on her cheek, nails filed to little points, Amy Winehouse eye makeup, foot-high heels... she wasn't exactly your average Central Pennsylvanian just looking for a few Hershey Kisses, you know? Even if it hadn't been Lady Gaga, she would have stood out like one of the giant tree lights that looked like, to quote my friend, "fruity cereal." It was Lady Gaga, minus the meat dress. It was more like this in a winter coat with a cell phone and a couple of random kids. We here in Pennsylvania notice stuff like that.

Merry Christmas, Gaga. Sorry we stepped on you, but you were...hard to miss.

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Attitudes of Gratitude and the Reach of Faith

Merry Christmas, everyone! Is it not the best time of year? The lights, the smells, the music... I love Christmas and always have. I'm not wild about crowded malls, but that's the only complaint I can really lodge.

I am doing my best to practice an 'attitude of gratitude' these days, and not just because it's the holiday season. You have to admit, though, Christmas is a great time of year to really test it out and learn how to live it, because even though things are especially lovely this time of year, you can't always say the same of people. They're stressed, they're in a hurry, you're in their way. I got brave and went to Wal-Mart just before midnight on Thanksgiving night. I lasted 10 minutes. I wasn't strong enough yet. I wanted to punt people. Just being honest.

This gratitude thing has become important to me because I've been sort of surrounded by the exact opposite this year. Have you ever met someone who is just determined to be unhappy? They think they have it worse than anybody else. They're furious that not everything is going their way. They blame their mistakes on everyone but themselves. They anticipate the worst, and therefore always find it. They suffer from Martyr Syndrome.

I can only take so much of it. I realized I had my fill about a month ago. Enough of that. I want to be the opposite. I want to be different. I want to find the good in things. Stop being such a downer! I had a friend who used to say to me, when I'd start on a whining streak, "Get off the cross; someone else needs the wood." I never figured out if that was a sacrilegious statement or not, but I got what she meant. "Get over yourself." Boy, do I need the grace of God to get over myself!

In November, I traveled to Georgia to see my friends Linda and Shaunti. I've been friends with Shaunti for about 8 years, and I've been doing some freelance work for her for about 5 years. Linda is Shaunti's staff director, and for years we were friends over the phone and through email, finally meeting in person in 2009. God orchestrated these friendships. They came about and have played out in such a unique way (that's another blog post), but somehow we're very close. These two women know me inside and out - I can share anything with them. They've mentored me, and we have fun together.

I was incredibly grateful to be able to spend a week in Atlanta. It almost didn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but it worked out. I was going through a bit of a depression before my trip. I was ministered to, prayed over, and overall it was a very healing trip. Linda and Shaunti have taught me a lot about gratitude just in how they carry themselves. They don't have it all figured out, but they walk by faith, and don't mind brushing me off, getting me back on my feet, and cheering me along as they go. They are my family.

I can't tell you how much I needed that trip.

Gratitude, like anything else, grows when you spend time with the people who exemplify it. But making a list doesn't hurt. I've been a negative, judgmental person most of my life, and everyone's got to start somewhere. I had to do just that on Friday, and found that I didn't have enough paper to finish my list.

Yup, I'm a blessed girl. I have problems, but there are definitely more good things than bad to list. And now to spend more time in prayer and in reading the Word so that this becomes a lifestyle and not just a temporary mission. I can only assume that if you're constantly acutely aware of how GOOD you've got it, it will be harder to dwell on the negative.

I want to have a heart that sees God in every situation first. It's a good time of year to start. :-)

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