I'm Inna Mood!!!

I need... a day out. A day out with girlfriends. Or a night out. I'll take a SNACK out. I need OUT.

I've had this little anxiety problem lately. By lately I mean... hmm... maybe 3 or 4 months. It finally got so bad I asked the doctor for something to help me from ripping my hair out. Look, my options were limited. I could either get a prescription to stop panic attacks, become a raging alcoholic (runs in the fam!), or become a hermit. I live in an apartment complex so becoming a hermit just wouldn't work. You can't hide in a place like this. And, like I mentioned, crazy people come after me like heat-seeking missiles.

I'm also mucho irritated because it's the first week of April and it has been 90 degrees. ????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? If you can't go to the pool, the heat is useless. I have a small window A/C. We want to buy a larger one to go in the living room so I decided to install the small one in my home office. Ah, but not JUST because I want to be physically comfortable when I'm writing. No, I also did it because window AC's are loud and they can drown out the sounds of... fighting, guns, profanity, doors slamming, screaming and parties. I don't want to start eating my anti-anxiety drugs like PEZ candy so I had to install my own noise. Sad, but true. We just got the AC in tonight and up until that point I was overheated, nauseous and downright miserable. Dude, when you sit a Subway meatball sub two feet in front of my face and I tell you I'm not hungry, SOMETHING IS WRONG.

And you know what else ticks me off?
Facebook.
No, I'm serious. I got on Facebook for two reasons: to keep in touch with family and friends, and to network... hence the term, SOCIAL NETWORKING. When I come across someone who doesn't want to network, it just drives me up the wall. Especially when you're friends with, like, two dozen of THEIR friends so they HAVE to know you're probably not a stalker with meat hooks in the basement, right? RIGHT? Is it a big deal? No. I'm just hot and pissy tonight.

There's a lot around me right now that needs to be fixed. People, places, things. My friend Susan says "your life is so much more interesting than mine." I don't know if it's more interesting or more... disturbing. I've sort of gone through my adult life thinking I could help people and fix things and I've realized I can't. I can't tell people what to do or not to do. If someone has their heart set on something, no amount of love or talking is going to change their mind. I know that, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to run around fixing everything. Even the ghetto people living in my apartment complex have me feeling this way - maybe if I could just be super nice to the teenager with the baby, she'd stop living crazy. Maybe if I invited the homies to church, maybe they'd stop smoking blunts in the parking lot. YEAH RIGHT. GET REAL, JULIE. I'm even dealing with it with my own niece. She's bent on destroying her life. I've been operating under the assumption that if I love her and buy her Hot Pockets and let her play on my laptop, I'll just nurture the self-destruction right out of her. Ha. It ain't working.

Once again, I'm forced to admit... I am human. Oh me of so little faith. I'm so bad at... faith. I'm so bad at... trust. I'm so bad at... believing. I'm so bad at... not worrying. I'm so bad at... finding peace in Christ. I'm so GOOD at... putting myself down.

And you, my lovely readers, got to hear all of this tonight because nobody was online to talk to. :-) Aren't you lucky? Pin It