Comfy In My Own Skin

Ever since I went to see Amy Grant in concert on August 1, I've been a little lost. Hearing her songs live, and shaking her hand backstage reminded me of another time and another place in my life. I was 18 years old, a college freshman in Nashville, and a wannabe songwriter.

It was the best time of my life, and the worst time of my life. I was a star-struck teenager living in a big city for the first time. Like most college kids, I found my share of trouble and did my fair share of stupid stuff. I loved Nashville - the city itself - and had a number of once-in-a-lifetime experiences there.

I dropped out of college that first year and moved back to Pennsylvania, intending to go back permanently as soon as I was financially able. A year after moving home, I was good to go. I was about to start packing my brand new luggage when I met the man who would become my husband, and that fast, all of my plans changed.

I wanted to move back to Nashville after we got married, but Scott wanted nothing of it. I had a choice to make, and I chose love. I chose the husband, the house with the white picket fence, and the kids running around in the yard. Or so I thought.

It wasn't long after we got married that our marriage began to fall apart. Through many years and much hard work, we pieced it back together and made it beautiful again. Ten years into this life together, we are going strong. But we don't have the house and the white picket fence. We have the apartment with the unidentifiable bugs on the deck and the crazy ghetto neighbors. Parenthood has eluded us, as well. Maybe it always will.

So I've found myself thinking about the past, wondering what it might have been like if I had chosen Nashville over Scott. Would I have become a successful songwriter? Would I have plenty of money to play with, fewer worries, and more fun? It has been a long time since I really yearned for Nashville. Ever since seeing Amy... I have been.

Then, Scott pulled me close to him last night and said, "You're my girl." I knew then and there, I am where I am supposed to be.

People trade in love for all kinds of stupidity. They trade in commitment for the easy way out. Usually they trade it in for what could have been, or what they perceive life could be like in the future. One by one they crumble. It could have been us. It almost happened to us.

I could have packed up and left everything behind. The marital problems, the financial problems, the crappy jobs, everything. Had I done that, I would have missed out on the satisfaction of having fought it out with my husband and, in the end, won. I would have traded a terrible marriage in before it had the chance to blossom into something beautiful.

No town or "dream" is worth such a loss.
So I am comfortable here, where I am, at this very moment, in my own skin. I would not trade a thing. Pin It