Ready For Healthy?

My house is stocked with healthy food. The patch goes on tomorrow. I rejoined the rec center. I am ready to exercise. All I need now is a sports bra that fits and a pair of shorts that don't ride up. Adamame beans and running, here I come.

The discount grocery store we frequent is a great place to get fat. If you want candy, cookies, chips, and Doritos, that's the place to go. Today I went to pick up shampoo and body wash and apparently God (or maybe Richard Simmons) was smiling upon my shopping list. Frozen broccoli (and not just the nasty stems), the aforementioned adamame beans, frozen strawberries and blueberries, all $.99 each. I loaded up. Granola to go with yogurt and fresh peaches also found its way into my cart, not to mention super ripe, super yummy-looking tomatoes.

I also learned from my sister-in-law - whose children are incredibly picky eaters - and my friend Rachael how to fool yourself into eating healthy stuff. Husband doesn't notice the flax seed meal I put in the spaghetti sauce and chances are he won't notice the carrots when I pulverize them and add them, too. I can also grind broccoli to a pulp.

I lost 40 pounds doing the same thing in 2003. I was swimming daily, too. That's my plan for going back to the rec center. Swimming is easy on your joints, and no one can see your fat butt underwater unless they're really looking, and that would mean swimming head-first into the wall.

The battle will be kicking the cigarettes once and for all. I was in bed last night coughing, trying to figure out what on earth motivates me to light up anymore. Force of habit, or that's what I came up with. I don't like how they taste, smell, or make me cough. When I think of replacing my morning cigarette and coffee with a jog on the treadmill, I cringe, but I know something will have to replace my normal routine.

So I'm sitting here drinking lemon water and, yes, I am smoking. I'm almost done with this pack and then the patch goes on. I'm not sure how that works with swimming. It might not last a full 24 hours on my body. This is going to require determination.

There is a spider on my deck whom I've named Charlotte. I don't like spiders but I'm not afraid of them, either. As long as something can't fly, I don't worry about it too much. Charlotte is small, not hairy, and has interesting markings on her legs. She's a very determined little spider and I guess that's why I don't have the heart to squish her. I play a cruel game with her. Every day I come out on my deck and see that she has spun a brand new, triangular web in the corner where the fence and the wall meets. Every evening, I burn it down. I don't just do it to be mean. The corner of my deck looks like the Auschwitz of the insect world. It's disgusting. I take my lighter and burn it down, but every night she comes out and does it again. On rare occasions, I spot her peeking out from the corner. She looks up at me, jumps about five feet in the air, and disappears into her little hole. She entertains me.

It's really sort of an epic battle for both of us. She feels compelled to spin her web, capture, and kill, but there is a giant human with a Bic lighter who has other ideas. I get it. I eat healthy, I start exercising, I disguise who I really am with foundation and eyeliner, but there's a giant cream-filled donut waiting to burn me.

In a weird sort of way, I'm pulling for Charlotte. Pin It