The Not-So-Delicate Balance Between Holy and Hothead

I'll probably get flack for saying this, but you know it's true. It would be so easy to act the part of a Christian, if not for:
-traffic
-other people.

You can laugh at me all you want to, but I have a magnetic cross on the back of my car. It's not to announce my faith so much as it is to help me to keep my windows rolled up, certain body parts down, and my mouth shut. I know me. I know me. I need big reminders. I don't own any 'Christian' shirts (unless you count the 15 identical Amy Grant shirts) but I've been thinking maybe I need to stock up for the same reason I stuck a cross on my bumper.

Sometimes I think, "Wow, my heart has changed so much!" and other times I think, "Whoa! I've got a long way to go!" Take, for example, my visit to the doctor this afternoon. It's a Christian practice. The walls of the children's section of the waiting room are covered in a Veggie Tales mural. Worship muzak is piped in over the speakers. There is a Gideon Bible on every table, and there is one in every examination room. The people are always nice, even though they charge a fee for everything under the sun. It's not the type of place you would expect to find confrontation, unless the doctors started fighting over who gets to open in prayer.

The office closes at 5:00 on a Friday, and I managed to squeeze in a last-minute 4:30 appointment. There were four people in the reception area - me, my husband, an elderly woman, and an older man who smelled like turpentine who also had extremely greasy hair. I went over to the magazine rack to grab some reading material when he stood up and got there before me. OK. No problem. Except that he stood there, blocking the whole rack, spending several minutes reading each magazine he picked up. He knew I was there. I was coughing. He didn't care.

I should have sat down. I could have read a Gideon Bible. But I didn't. I stayed there, moved a little closer, bumped his elbow just slightly, forced him to move. I really, really wanted to say something smart, but I didn't. That's a victory in itself - openly rude people drive me crazy.

A few minutes later, as I was coughing up a lung and reading about Taylor Swift in WebMD magazine (it was either that or a 2-year-old issue of National Geographic), I heard a loud, "UUUUUUUUUHHHHHH." I'm nosy, so I leaned forward to look in the direction of the grunt. It was him. He put his hands on his head and yelled, "I SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT ON A FRIDAY!"
The old lady pretended not to hear him. (On second thought, maybe she really didn't hear him), and I looked over at my husband who was wide-eyed and nervously mouthing the word, "DON'T!"

Ah. He knows me so well. Too well. There was a time when I would have told the old grump to save the drama for his mama and just be glad he got a Friday appointment at all. It might have escalated into a full-on confrontation. My husband would have been dragging me towards the door by my arm. My mother always told me, "God gave you a mouth; use it." That wasn't quite what she meant, but she can't ever say I didn't listen.

But I've grown. I've changed! Now, instead of getting in someone's face... I sweat profusely and mumble under my breath.

Grumpy Pants made his way up to the reception window.

"Hey, I've got things to do! I can't be sitting around here all day!"

They asked him if he wanted to reschedule. But, no, he didn't want to reschedule. He wanted to complain. He repeated his displeasure, sat back down, and let out another grunt. I kept my face buried in WebMD, muttering to myself as my husband smacked me in the knee and told me to be quiet. It was painful. It was like being tied to a chair while someone waved a million dollars in your face. Pleeeeaaassseee let them call my name before this guy's! I was picturing the whole thing in my head. They would call my name, I'd mosey on up to the nurse in my own sweet time, and then I'd say, "Man, I've got a lot to run by the doctor today!"

But they called him first. I'm sure you'll be shocked to know that he complained the whole way down the hall and into the exam room - I could hear him. They called me five minutes later.

As I sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor, I was struck by what a hothead I am, and how pointless most of the things I get frustrated over really are. Someone with the mind of Christ would have engaged that man to find out what was so heavy on his heart... or they would have been smart enough to just leave well enough alone. And someone with the mind of Christ wouldn't have been plotting ways to further annoy him, but would have willingly offered to let him go first if the opportunity presented itself.

"Whoa! I've got a long way to go!"

If there's any sort of encouragement to be found in this story, it's that I at least realized how ridiculous I was being. In the past... I don't know, I think I would have felt completely justified in my annoyance and in my comments. Not this time, though. This isn't who I want to be. God gave me a mouth and I want to use it to speak Truth into the lives of others, not gripe at grouchy people who are obviously in need of encouragement and not curses.

The Christian life is an interesting thing. Why is it that when we take a step forward it seems so insignificant, but when we take a step back it seems to huge? Oh, that's right - the enemy. The one who wants us to believe we haven't improved and never will.

I guess if you screw up, realize it, and want to change... that's evidence of God's work in your heart. So I am trying to be encouraged....but not as encouraged as I'll be when I face a similar situation and my first thought is love and compassion.

Now THAT is the mind of Christ.

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Mania & God

Wow, this is SO different from my experience with God and bipolar disorder. Mania can make people feel superhuman and they do risky things as a result, but it has always been easier for me to believe in and follow God when I'm manic. It's when I'm severely depressed that my faith struggles. This guy's article is spot-on, however, though we don't share this particular experience. Wouldn't mind reading this dude's book. Pin It

4 Myths About Bipolar Disorder

The second myth is that people with bipolar disorder are very happy when they’re in a manic phase.

Some people have been known to punch inanimate objects and curse at silverware. Just sayin'. Pin It

Childless Christian Women - Square Pegs in a Round World

I just can't get the baby thing off my mind. This is driving me a little bit bonkers. Where do childless women fit into the church? Why do I feel like an alien?

I got a call from a woman I've never met from my church. Somebody told her I was childless and needed to be mentored because I was so lost because of it. It was well-meaning. I ended up making a new friend, but it definitely didn't play out the way the other church ladies intended. My new friend didn't have children by choice. I don't have kids...well, not by choice. BUT I'm OK with it. I'm at peace with it. We ended up laughing over how judgmental people can be - assuming, of course, that if you don't have kids, you must be terribly selfish and have nothing but spare time in which to do completely unimportant things. We agreed that women's ministries, in general, do cater to moms and don't really know what to do with people like me.

We both wondered aloud if some homeschooling moms don't feel a little bit spiritually superior to those who send their kids to school. Now don't misread me - I'm not saying all homeschool moms have a superiority complex. Just saying... some seem to act like we should pity how busy they are when, in all actuality, this is a choice they made. There is no biblical mandate to homeschool your children.Go ahead, homeschool. Most homeschooled kids are geniuses. But don't play it up like somehow you are a notch above moms who, for example, can't afford not to work and HAVE to send their kids to school.

My point is... I just want to be a godly woman, but lately I've really been feeling like so much of a woman's spirituality is viewed through whether or not they have kids. Hey, listen, I wanted to be fruitful and multiply. God didn't have the same plan in mind, at least not yet. And I'm comfortable with my life. Is this actually being held against me, or do I just have my own inferiority  complex. Look at the internet. You can find lots of websites devoted to Christian moms. Not many for childless Christian women.

I know my value to God does not change, but what about within the Church?

Is anyone taking me seriously? Pin It

Game Your Way to a New You!

I apologize now for my use of the word "butt" and in no way do I advocate shooting people in real life. You shouldn't let your kids play violent games.  I don't advocate that either. Oh, and I love Jesus. OK, you can read now...

I haven't been into video games, really, since Nintendo came out when I was in middle school. My husband has a Playstation 3 and I got into Guitar Hero and Rock Band but little else. Then....

THEN...

...he got the MOVE.

A friend of ours gave us a gift card a few weeks ago so hubby traded in a bunch of games and used it to buy the Move and a few games to go with. I'M. HOOKED. You know I have to be serious to actually blog about video games.

The Wii is good... if you're 5 years old. The Move, however, is way more accurate and you don't feel like you're in preschool when you use it.  Most of you probably don't care about that, but I'm weird that way. Anyway, I have gotten rather addicted to ping-pong. There are a million other things to play - volleyball, bocce ball, fencing, etc., but the ping-pong is my game, for sure. I'll be honest - I've always kicked butt at ping-pong, tennis, badminton, and anything that includes swinging something at things flying through the air. Maybe it's the Smart family temper in me, I don't know.

All I know is... dude, you can get a SERIOUS workout playing Move ping-pong. Surprising, considering ping-pong isn't exactly a full-body sport, but I find myself swinging like a mad woman and working up one heck of a sweat. Want to tone your upper arms? Play this game. I think my arms have gone numb. I just finished an hour-long tournament and I can't really lift them above my waist anymore. Tomorrow I will probably have to learn to type with my feet.

Ladies, you're probably thinking this sounds lame. You could be doing something more girly-like, such as knitting, clipping coupons, or sharing diaper stories with your girlfriends. Oh no, honey. This is for you, too. Are you too lazy to drive to the gym like I am, despite having a gym membership? GREAT. Go git ya a MOVE! Wanna lose weight without having to go out in public on a bad hair day. MOVE MOVE MOVE! Well....first you need a Playstation 3, which is pretty expensive. But then...GET THE MOVE!

Also, girls, the Move is prettier than the Wii. Who needs a boring white controller when you can have what looks like a glowing ice cream cone?!? See? You know you want one! What woman wouldn't want a pretty video game accessory? Oooh, ahhh! Look at the purdy colors! Don't they just make you want to run out and buy a matching purse? FOR REALS!

And who can argue against becoming a more civilized human being! I didn't know a thing about bocce ball (let alone how to spell it) until we got the Move. Now I feel like I finally have something to discuss with the next old man I hold a door open for.

I'm telling you... this thing rocks. It gets old watching your husband play Black Ops all night. Now there's a fashionable alternative that the whole family can play! (Did you notice the Move glows in pink?) And if hubby still insists on shooting people, why, that's OK too! Grab two Move controllers and you've got yourself a gun! No more pointing buttons in your underwear - now you can stand UP in your underwear and actually PICK PEOPLE OFF!

So give it a try. Forget the Wii. If you want to get exercise while still being a bum at home, and you're tired of looking like a bouncing Weeble on your TV screen, go get the Move. You're an adult. Do the right thing. I believe in you.

What are you, 5? Go get the MOVE!

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On Your Mark...Get Set...Pray!

I love God. I love the Church. I love my brothers and sisters in Christ.

But I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why they do some of the things they do. This isn't a post about politics, war, or sexuality. I'm not talking about trying to figure out why they believe big things. I'm literally talking about...the stuff they do. This is a short post because I'm basically trying to empty my brain and one of the things that has been on it lately. These are the things I contemplate in the bathroom, mostly.

Let's look at prayer, shall we?
Is prayer a contest?
I've been wondering that because lately I've picked up on the way Pentecostals, in particular, pray.

It's not uncommon to hear "yes, Lord" and "thank you, Father" whispered by others while you're praying. Christians are supposed to pray in agreement with one another. But what about when everyone closes their eyes and bows their head and before anyone has uttered a single word of prayer, someone in the group starts going:

YesLordthankyouLordAmenComeLordJesusYesYesThankYouThankYouFather..

And why do people say it in rapid succession? Nobody talks to their friends that way, and if they did... they'd probably lose a friend. When I call my friend, Linda, I don't start immediately chanting as soon as she picks up the phone, right?

HelloLindaYesLindaIt'sgoodtotalktoyouLindaThankyouLindaYesLinda...

Are people like that trying to beat out the other pray-ers? Are they trying to get psyched-up for their turn? Were they raised a Hare Krishna?

What about the post-prayer squeeze-and-wink? You're praying in a group, you're holding hands or someone has a hand on your shoulder... and at the end of the prayer, they give you a little squeeze and wink at you. This symbolizes that the prayer is officially over. But why do we do it? I can't disconnect from the internet without taking the wireless card out of my computer. Is it sort of like that? Can we only 'disconnect' the prayer with a squeeze and a wink?

It doesn't really matter, truly. I don't care. It's just stuff I notice because I have the attention span of a flea. But it sticks with me until I blog about it, so... now I've blogged about it. I just wonder why things are they way they are.

There is no shortage of things to notice! Pin It

Resentment, Anger, Fear, and God

Life is a choice. Bummer, huh? It takes me ten minutes to figure out what I want on the Taco Bell menu. It's a thousand times harder when I have to decide something important. It's easier not having to decide. Sometimes when I send my husband to the grocery store (eh hem, I would not suggest this), he calls me and asks me what kind of ice cream I want. "I trust your judgment," I tell him. Don't read the flavors to me if you don't want to drain your cell phone battery.

Making decisions about spiritual issues makes Taco Bell seem like nuthin'. The funny thing about spiritual matters is, the decisions are usually pretty obvious. If somebody held up an ice cream cone and a salt lick, you wouldn't have a hard time deciding which one to grab. Spirituality is a lot like that, at least from my perspective. You can either do what God says and have a happy life, or NOT do what God says and struggle. But being the person that I am, I have to lick both the ice cream and the salt a few times first.

I have always believed IN God, but have had a hard time BELIEVING God. I know He's there. I believe He created the universe and the color pink and my cat's wet little nose. No problem. I just haven't always believed He would take care of me. My childhood was miserable but I don't resent any of the players involved anymore. It's just...gone. Those issues completely disappeared with no help from me. The only person left to resent was God, who allowed those things to happen.

When I was little, one of my brothers and I used to put a towel on the stairs and go sliding down as fast as we could. It was all fun and games until I smashed my face on a piece of furniture at the bottom of the stairs. After that, I didn't want to go stair-surfing anymore. I have always felt that my relationship with God was similar. He let go; I got hurt; Let's not do that again.

Then try having an illness that makes you feel depressed, angry, and hopeless against your will, all while the Bible says that Christians are supposed to be the opposite. Where is God in that?

But God says He keeps His promises, which means He either means it, or He's a liar. And so I have been looking into the things God promises, and the things He does not. For one thing, He doesn't promise a problem-free life. If anything, He promises that things here are going to be rough. John 16:33 says:

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Going through life expecting a problem-free existence is foolish and not at all what Jesus told us to expect. So getting angry at God because we have pain doesn't make sense... especially considering we make a lot of our own pain.

God HAS promised the following:

-God will meet our needs
Needs... not to be confused with luxuries. (Phil. 4:19)

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

-God promises that His grace is sufficient for us.
In other words, God's grace is all you need. (2 Cor. 12:9)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

-God will always provide a way out of temptation.
I think this should be called "the teenager verse" because it reminds of what my parents used to say when I was a teen: "If you're ever in a bad situation, call us and we'll pick you up, no questions asked." God works the same way. (1 Cor. 10:13)

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

-God has promised us victory over death. 
The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ sealed eternity for believers. We don't end at the grave. (1 Cor. 15:3-4)

 For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, ⁴ that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures,

-God promises that all things work together for the good of people who love and service Him.
This is the hardest one to grasp because it's not easy to see why God allows people to die young, in terrible ways, etc. (Romans 8:28)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  

 Nope. Nothing in there about having a trouble-free existence. Bummer.

But has He kept His promises to me? Has He met my needs? Has his grace been sufficient for me? Have I seen good come out of my darkest days? I can answer all of that with a confident "yes." So I've decided it's time to drop my defenses and believe God. It might not be an overnight process; it may take a good bit of work. But I see how God has taken care of me, I have seen that He is real, and I want more of Him. That means being honest about how I feel and admitting that I've been angry and resentful towards him.

I started this morning off by reading a bit of Praying God's Word by Beth Moore. This caught my attention:

God applies the same power to our need that He exerted when He raised Christ from the dead. Does your stronghold require more power than it takes to raise the dead?  Neither does mine! God can do it, fellow believer. I know because He says so. And I know because He's done it for me. Believe Him...and when you don't, cry out earnestly, "Help me overcome my unbelief!"

Read that also leads me to believe that the same God who put up with the antics of Thomas and who watched His own son suffer and die on the cross is strong enough to hear my anger and fear. He's big enough. When we don't give those things to God, we're basically saying we don't think He can handle it.

HELLO. HE'S GOD.

I'm not carrying this around anymore. Gimme the ice cream cone. The choice is obvious, at least from where I sit. I want to try some of God's goodness because I've been a tired girl and I don't think I can get through another day without the sweetness of God's grace.

It seems like a lot to lift off my shoulders, but it's nothing to God.

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Huh. That was Weird.

If I could describe my day in five words or less, I would say: "Huh. That was weird."

First, I am convinced I am being stalked by local animals. There has to be an APB out describing the make, model, and year of my car, not to mention my physical appearance and the "most-likely" locations where I will be driving on any given day. Sometimes they win, sometimes I win. Not too long ago, I hit and killed a chicken with my car. Why did it cross the road? To hear me scream as I swerved to miss it... which I did not. I neither screamed nor missed it. I picture a coop full of laughing chickens chiding that one brave frat boy chicken on. "DO IT! RUN! FASTER!" Then I imagine their horror as I turned their friend into a tasty Chik-Fil-A meal. As Charlie Sheen would say: "WINNING!"

Today I was accosted by a pheasant. I was driving down a familiar country road where I had never had an animal cross my path before when I came up around a curve and there it was. The pheasant won today. He might be missing a few tail feathers, but he survived. He bobbed up a hill, all arrogant-like, and I shook my fist and challenged him to round two. We'll see if he shows. Can you eat pheasant? If not, what do you do with a dead pheasant? I need to know for when I win.

I went to a church meeting this morning to discuss the expansion of our women's ministries. I commented that women like me are in a strange position at church - we're in our thirties, we're married, but we don't have children. That was when I realized that if you don't have kids, other women (particularly Christian women) automatically assume that you are heartbroken about it. When I told them I was childless, they reacted the same way someone might react if their friend just announced they had a woeful disease. There was much sympathy for me, as one woman told me to hang in there because it took her and her husband three years to conceive. There were stories of miscarriages and sadness and I just didn't know how to tell everyone that...

I'm actually pretty OK with not having children.

I've blogged about this before, so I will only briefly rehash. We can't have kids. It used to bother us immensely but not we're used to it. We might adopt someday but not right now. And I've decided my life is pretty full despite not being a mom. But only a few people get that. We're women. We're supposed to have babies. I guess I'm weird for not being broken up about not being able to.

The other assumption that moms make, I found out, is that if you don't have kids, you must have all the time in the world and nothing truly meaningful to do.

And this week, that's totally true of my life, but still... in general, it's not true at all.

So I came home and sorted all of that out in my mind. I wasn't angry about it. It's not like anyone was trying to be rude. It was just... interesting. Interesting to see how women in the church perceive each other. Interesting to know that I am both sympathized with, and yet seen as someone who should take on some of the 'harder' ministry because I have lots of unused time to throw around.

When I got home, I turned on my A/C. It was in the mid-80s today and my apartment was roasting. I had this spongy, foamy liner on top of my A/C to keep the bugs out and when I went to adjust it, it disintegrated into dust. So I grabbed a towel and stuffed it between the windows... which looked really terrible, so I tried to remove it. It was too far down to grab it, so I tried to fish it out with my TV remote... which I promptly lost between the windows. In a last-ditch effort, I grabbed my husband's barbecue tongs and fished the remote AND the towel out with that.

See? I told you my life was full.
If I had kids, there wouldn't be time for do-it-yourself home repairs like that, now would there? Pin It