So this is Christmas, and what have you done?
Well, I've got my decorations out but no tree yet. My friend and I are like two little kids awaiting the first snowfall. Maybe Sunday??? I've lived here all my life, apart from that brief stint in Tennessee, and snow is elusive. There were a few years when it seemed like the snow would never end, but that's rare. Some people say a black cloud follows them everywhere they go, but I used to think the sun followed me, preventing snow from ever falling.
And here you thought the sun following you around all the time would be awesome.
Tomato, TO-MAH-TO.
Depends who you ask.
Last night was a bad night. I was about to write Christmas '09 off entirely. Our best pals possibly (probably) moving away, family crap I can't really write about, low funds and no job prospects... It's amazing what a hot shower can do for your spirit. I do my best thinking in the shower. Anyway, I came out thinking, OK, it's Christmas. I'm going to think about the wonderful things in my life, instead of the depressing stuff.
I'm going to be a godmother in the spring.
I'm going to be an aunt again in the spring.
I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage.
I have a lovely home.
I have new boobs. (Sorry - had to throw that in there. Breast reduction really did make my year.)
I have a SAVIOR who loves me and wants to give me an abundant life filled with hope and PURPOSE.
When I frame it that way, the Christmas lights seem extra sparkly, you know?
What are you praying for these days? Me, I'm praying for breakthroughs. A breakthrough in finances, a breakthrough in work, a breakthrough for different people I love who are hurting. I am the quintessential stubborn Christian. When I should be praying, I am trying to force things to happen. When I should be silent, I'm flapping my gums. So I guess I should also be praying for a breakthrough in my prayer life and my self-control.
My cousin's death in September has made an interesting impact on me. On the one hand, I'm sad that he's gone and heartbroken that his family is without him. But the way he lived out his last days also struck me. You know, most of us aren't half as productive during our "living years" (I call it that because the majority of us have no idea how long we have here on earth) as Jay was during his dying days. When I feel like giving up, when I feel like my life doesn't matter, when I feel like being lazy and not even trying, I think about Jay, and it gives me fresh energy.
Can you imagine how easy death would be if we truly considered it moving away vs. leaving forever? On a grander scale, mind you, but the same basic concept. I think about our friend Mark & Jen moving away and it breaks my heart. I desperately want them to stay, but I know if they go, it's not like I'll never see them again. I will see them eventually. And that's what keeps me from completely falling apart. God, could you open our hearts to see death in the same way? To not just know it on an intellectual level, but to believe it with all our hearts and souls?
As I'm writing this, I'm watching my cat, who is sleeping face-first in the couch. Oh, to have the worry-less life of a house pet. And yet, if I really lived out the Word - not worrying, completely trusting in God, believing fully that God is for me and not against me - that's the kind of life I'd have.
Bring on the breakthrough!
Pin It
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
You know Julie, it's really interesting that you used the word breakthrough. That is a word that God continues to speak to my heart as I've been praying over the past few months. I really feel that 2010 is going to be that year of breakthroughs. Praying that yours are on the way. :-)
Post a Comment