The Soothing, Relaxing DRILL of an MRI

Ever had an MRI? It's lots of fun. You lie down on this table and they elevate your legs and stick your head in this hole, pack it in there with foam thingies, and slowly slide you into the machine. Then, for the next 30 minutes, you can't move a muscle and all you hear is the gentle hum of a jackhammer in your ears. MRIs are loud, period. They're even louder when they're taking pictures of your brain.

I had my first MRI in 10 years today. I forgot just how wonderful the experience was - akin to being held down and forced to listen to nails being dragged down a chalkboard. Some people can't handle them because they get claustrophobic. I don't really have that problem, but I was nervous about it anyway. What if I had to sneeze? What if I had an itch? What if I suddenly got diarrhea? What if my restless legs got restless? Every few minutes, a tinny voice would ring out, "You're doing great, Julie!" If I can't succeed at lying down, I really shouldn't try writing anymore books.

The MRI tech told me I'd possibly have my results by the end of the day, but I wasn't that lucky. The numbness and pain in my arms and legs, the numbness in my face, the dizzy spells, the memory problems... the cause is still up in the air. The unfortunate thing about having major medical tests done is that you don't really win either way. If something shows up on your tests, you have to come to grips with a diagnosis and what it means to live life being sick. If nothing shows up at all, you wonder if maybe you've just lost your mind completely. Nobody likes a hypochondriac. Seriously. You'd have to sleep...really weird to make your face go numb. You'd have to sleep on the top of your head, really. I've laid on my head before in an effort to make a migraine go away, but I never slept 8 hours that way. I'd probably be paralyzed if I tried.

The biggie for me is the aching legs. I have had this problem my entire life. As a child I cried myself to sleep. Sometimes Ibuprofen helps, other times NOTHING helps. Sometimes, it's just one leg. Other times, it's both. My feet and legs swell up periodically. I thought working out every day would help. I used to sit at a desk all day, but I walked a good 15 minutes on every break. Nothing helped. Last week at the beach, I swore my leg was swollen, but it really wasn't. If nothing is wrong with me, what is the deal? Do I sleep with my legs bent up under my head and I just don't know it?

I just want the doctor to say, "Oh, you suffer from Sleeps-Like-A-Moron Syndrome. An Aspirin a day should fix it." Not... a brain tumor, MS, no brain at all...

So I'm just waiting.
And nursing the jackhammer damage to my poor, aching head. Pin It